This is fun, isn't it?

Watching me die, that is.

One.
Oh, we're just friends, Seiichi!

Two.
We're still just friends. Oh, by the way-can you help me take him out this weekend?

Three.
Okay, so we're more than friends. You're not mad at me, right?

Four.
Oh, you're just being so jealous and selfish! Think about me every once in a while!

Fall.

Watch me fall, ( Read more... )

I am deformed-I have a neurological disorder which can result in lifelong paralysis.

I am ugly-My chest and stomach are covered in scars, starting from my neck all the way down.

I am a monster, in more ways than one.

My work is done, isn't it? My team is happy. My friends-current and former-are happy. I had one chance, and screwed it up. And why?

For ( Read more... )

...I hate this.

Is this what I am, and what I've become? Some jealous, evil creature? Or have I been a monster all along?

I want him. I love him. Yet he's found someone else to hold and protect, so have I. Yet I can't...I can't give myself, not completely. And that's not any sort of stupid sexual metaphor, I just can't.

...No matter what I decide, ( Read more... )

It's official.

Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy.

CIDP.

I have never been so scared of an acronym in my life.

I've suspected that my GBS had progressed since January, but I didn't want to hear the official diagnosis.  I've been told that it's under control, but that when I go home for the holidays, I get a nice hospital stay for part ( Read more... )

And even if I could it'll all be grey,
But your picture on my wall,
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

I finished the lone bottle of bourbon I bought and right now, I don't plan to get more. I puked, cleaned up, and promptly fainted on my bedroom floor. 
If my doctor knew, he would kill me.

For that...and for the utterly ( Read more... )

I've been spending a lot of time on the dorm roof lately. I've even been falling asleep up there. It's rather peaceful, and I'm not bothered.
I know it's not me, but...I have to get over this.

I was looking in my sketchbook yesterday, and I found the almost completed drawing of, well...us. I was so proud of it, and I was going to surprise him at ( Read more... )

I thought that the ache was supposed to heal with time, not intensify.

I didn't want to lie to Sen last night, but I had to. BFF, I'm sorry.  I just...I can't open to anyone. Not now, probably not for an extremely long time. I opened myself up to two people. I loved them, held them, would have done anything for them. And how do I get repaid?
( Read more... )

...

...

...no.